The Soul of One Jewish Folk, Circa 1996

Opening Ceremonies of the Olympics

I have a college degree. Tomorrow I will be in Florida. Four long years of college, finally over. It definitely has been "a long, strange trip." I still don't think my mind has completely accepted that I am finished. Either that, or I am so focused on Israel that I have not stopped to contemplate college life. My mind is also mush from the wear and tear of this last year. I am not sure when I will be happy again. It seems as if all the joy that once made up my existence has been drained out of me by this horror. My emotions are buried so deep within, I feel like breaking down. However, Israel approaches.

July 20, 1996

Today I leave for Florida. A new home awaits my arrival as I begin the next chapter of my life.

December 22, 1996

Happy birthday to me! I get to spend my birthday in transit. Have I gained anything from the last year? What have I learned? Where am I going? My train from Atlanta to Birmingham is two hours late, hence the free time.

Strangely enough, I can see with complete clarity how my life would be if I followed Torah as opposed to not. The ironic thing is that either way, it won't really affect money or happiness. But who I marry, and how, and what kind of household I will have, will be greatly affected by this decision. Either way there are no guarantees.

What do I believe, though? Lately it seems that I fluctuate between total belief with no action (or contradictory actions), and no belief with actions that contradict what I know to be right. Well, shouldn't that be the litmus test? When I find myself eating non-kosher food, flirting with non-Jewish women, and so on, I don't like myself. In the meantime, I need to relax.